running in the dark

If you've ever tried it then maybe you know how I feel. There you are running, exerting energy, lifting your knees high to avoid a crash. But just where are you going and how far away is that destination? You are tired and achy and not all that sure you can make it to the finish line, if there is one. But the darkness keeps you excited or nervous or downright scared!

Along the way people give you bits of light to hold out in front of you like when in a marathon you are handed water or juice or energy bars. The light gives you direction but burns out before the next light is handed to you. In and out of the dark you go with only a general idea, a feeling, of where you are headed. Jabs of fatigue, bursts of inspiration, highs and lows. They all seem to be there to remind you of the work you are doing. This work, this inescapable job. When you bend down to tie your shoes, it's there wondering why you need lace up shoes. When, you roll over in bed, it's there asking to be noticed between midnight naps and early morning dozing.

One day you realize that things are getting light and before your eyes the job description comes into view. It's creative, but definitely managerial (I never considered myself management material). The dimmest of light allows you to take bigger steps. But all you can see is that the trail curves, so that you can't see the next curve, but you do know it's there and that's all you have to go on.

In about 2 months this journey will have just begun and yet I feel like I have come so far already.


32 week ultrasound. We had to have another ultrasound because I was diagnosed with placenta previa which basically prevents natural birth. The 32 week test show that the placenta has moved up and baby and I are free to explore the wonders of labor and birth together. YIPEE!!!

the P channel


my running partner


Happy after being told I can go into labor and not have to schedule a c-section

9 weeks to go!

MuthaCrafter

A friend sent this to me - I think it sums up this last week quite well.
If all goes well I'll be able to share some 'outside of the belly' type crafts soon.

Update - 30 weeks!

It's hard to believe we only have 10 weeks to go and if I have to have a c-section, 8 weeks! This time of year seemed so far away once and I know that the next 2 months are going to fly by. Soon we'll have the jolly jumper on the outside and I am so looking forward to that. I can't say that I have many complaints about pregnancy. I know I have some major growing still to go but generally, I have been comfortable. I can't sleep worth a nickle but that's not a new development. The hardest part has been trying to concentrate on anything else. I think that there's a part of me that wants to think about the baby all the time because I have some sense of how fast all this is going. As I look around my cubical now, I am looking at photos of my friends with their kids. Kids who so recently were babies - now they are toddlers and have siblings! Why does childhood seem so fast? I guess life never slows down it's just not as obvious when you turn 37 versus 1.

Anyway, I tried going into a philosophical post but I can't do it. I do have a sense that this baby has magic powers. Does every mom think that? Perhaps I'm projecting or bonding maybe. I may have to make a little infant sized magicians cape and add "The Amazing" to the birth certificate. Why magic? It's a few little things and just a feeling.

Here's me - sporting some new Gap maternity. It's what the working mom-to-be does on her lunch hour, not to worry, it was all on sale.