Sunday, August 16, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
What's that feeling?
Amidst the chaos that is my house, which is directly related to my housekeeping ability and lack there of, there is a strange unfamiliar feeling. Prone to bouts of depression and anxiety I am all to familiar with feeling that sense of general discomfort with what I like to refer to as "everything" you might have a different word for it. I know I'm so smart and original.
Anyway, this morning and yesterday and last week I've had this other feeling. I can't quite put my finger on it but could it be contentment? Nahhh - there's still so much to be unhappy about. I mean the laundry is never done, my career stands more still than a cave pond, there are bills and less and less money for which to pay them. But I find myself gliding through the day on some kind of reality pillow. It's like, yeah I know that things still sort of suck sometimes and bad things happen to people I know and love but there's a cushion of contentment that I can only attribute to the addition of one little guy who is making my life and others' seem better, easier.
Is this natures gift to us? A little being who makes you so crazy you start thinking life is great if you manage to get out and do some errands? If so then I'll take it! Because I wasn't really appreciating the little things before.
I have been out photographing gardens and chicken coops today for what I hope will be some useful art for upcoming stories in the Down to Earth Mag. Emmett and I traveled all over town. We even stopped at a couple of thrift stores. My how far I've come from being too scared to take him into a store. What if he screams? Ha ha, I hear you laughing AT me. Even so, we didn't get anything for dinner tonight, there's so much dog hair on the carpet it's changed color and I am STILL working on getting my Thank-You cards from my baby shower written (so if you got one consider yourself lucky)
I guess you could say that I've lowered my standards. You'd be right. Those standards were way to high anyway. I wouldn't de-friend me because my house wasn't spotless or if there was a possibility I hadn't washed my hair in a few days. I might think twice if I forgot to thank you for giving me a baby gift. I'll get right on those cards! If I had a point this would be where I'd write about what it all means. But you know what it all means. Priorities change.
I have to admit I never was one to get along with kids. Just ask my sister who is 7 years younger than me. I was and am still sort of awkward with them. Always saying the wrong thing or contradicting their parents' directions. Talking like they're 25 or saying something that scares them, like "be careful or someone will take away all your toys" What? Why would someone say that? I didn't say that by the way, I was just trying to explain the kind if things I might say that a child might find worrisome. ANYWAY - I've gotten a few "thanks for confusing my kid" looks from befuddled parents not to mention the "you are so weird" look I get from most kids. Now that I have one, a kid that is, I seem to be around other "ones" a lot more. There I go demonstrating why kids and parents think I'm weird, I just referred to kids as "ones". I worry about how I will react when Emmett is older and bringing friends around. What will be asked of me as the Mom, this can only get harder and harder. I know that much is true.
What the heck is this blog about anymore anyway? I guess it's always been a place for me to mind-wander. I am beginning to feel like the girl who used to craft. Lately my only craft has been photography and a pretty weak effort at that. Who can't take a photo of a cute baby? Duh. I have projects in my head, most of them are gifts that will sadly, like the thank-you cards, become way over due gestures that may or may not get done. No, seriously, I will get those thank-you cards written, that is just bad manners.
Does anyone remember driving around with your mom on rainy days? You're half asleep, sort of warm. The car is gently rocking and swinging you around. You can hear the tic tic tic of the turn signal, the engine rev and the gear shifting. You can close your eyes and picture the streets. That blue house on the corner where you always turn to go to the bank or the black dog that sits at the fence near the library. I love that having Emmett brings back memories like that for me. Even if they are kind of made up.
Now please enjoy some visual aids.
Emmett is almost 5 months old (will be on the 30th)
Of course there are a million and two more photos on my flickr page.
This is the lovely home of Beth and Mike, lovely people too! They have a wicked front yard veggie patch and parking strip that is totally worth watering.
These are Tricia Jo and Kegan's (I may have spelled that wrong) chickens and home build coop!
Kegan is TJ's son - boy they get big!
on our walk this morning...
It wasn't all that peaceful
This is Maddie's garden (another lovely person) and yet another parking strip totally worth watering!
Emmett and Dad visit the office. Good thing I still have that birthing ball.
Our August weather has been unpredictable. It's so unusual for us to even have clouds in the sky this time of year let alone rain.
And finally, this is a very good illustration of what I mean by bad housekeeping. Welcome to the baby maze. Poor Chester is stuck in the middle.
I really hope to get back in some kind of routine with my blog. One post a month just isn't enough. Oh I tweet and I'll facebook your ass till the cows come home but, this is a place of my own with unlimited characters, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, this morning and yesterday and last week I've had this other feeling. I can't quite put my finger on it but could it be contentment? Nahhh - there's still so much to be unhappy about. I mean the laundry is never done, my career stands more still than a cave pond, there are bills and less and less money for which to pay them. But I find myself gliding through the day on some kind of reality pillow. It's like, yeah I know that things still sort of suck sometimes and bad things happen to people I know and love but there's a cushion of contentment that I can only attribute to the addition of one little guy who is making my life and others' seem better, easier.
Is this natures gift to us? A little being who makes you so crazy you start thinking life is great if you manage to get out and do some errands? If so then I'll take it! Because I wasn't really appreciating the little things before.
I have been out photographing gardens and chicken coops today for what I hope will be some useful art for upcoming stories in the Down to Earth Mag. Emmett and I traveled all over town. We even stopped at a couple of thrift stores. My how far I've come from being too scared to take him into a store. What if he screams? Ha ha, I hear you laughing AT me. Even so, we didn't get anything for dinner tonight, there's so much dog hair on the carpet it's changed color and I am STILL working on getting my Thank-You cards from my baby shower written (so if you got one consider yourself lucky)
I guess you could say that I've lowered my standards. You'd be right. Those standards were way to high anyway. I wouldn't de-friend me because my house wasn't spotless or if there was a possibility I hadn't washed my hair in a few days. I might think twice if I forgot to thank you for giving me a baby gift. I'll get right on those cards! If I had a point this would be where I'd write about what it all means. But you know what it all means. Priorities change.
I have to admit I never was one to get along with kids. Just ask my sister who is 7 years younger than me. I was and am still sort of awkward with them. Always saying the wrong thing or contradicting their parents' directions. Talking like they're 25 or saying something that scares them, like "be careful or someone will take away all your toys" What? Why would someone say that? I didn't say that by the way, I was just trying to explain the kind if things I might say that a child might find worrisome. ANYWAY - I've gotten a few "thanks for confusing my kid" looks from befuddled parents not to mention the "you are so weird" look I get from most kids. Now that I have one, a kid that is, I seem to be around other "ones" a lot more. There I go demonstrating why kids and parents think I'm weird, I just referred to kids as "ones". I worry about how I will react when Emmett is older and bringing friends around. What will be asked of me as the Mom, this can only get harder and harder. I know that much is true.
What the heck is this blog about anymore anyway? I guess it's always been a place for me to mind-wander. I am beginning to feel like the girl who used to craft. Lately my only craft has been photography and a pretty weak effort at that. Who can't take a photo of a cute baby? Duh. I have projects in my head, most of them are gifts that will sadly, like the thank-you cards, become way over due gestures that may or may not get done. No, seriously, I will get those thank-you cards written, that is just bad manners.
Does anyone remember driving around with your mom on rainy days? You're half asleep, sort of warm. The car is gently rocking and swinging you around. You can hear the tic tic tic of the turn signal, the engine rev and the gear shifting. You can close your eyes and picture the streets. That blue house on the corner where you always turn to go to the bank or the black dog that sits at the fence near the library. I love that having Emmett brings back memories like that for me. Even if they are kind of made up.
Now please enjoy some visual aids.
Emmett is almost 5 months old (will be on the 30th)
Of course there are a million and two more photos on my flickr page.
This is the lovely home of Beth and Mike, lovely people too! They have a wicked front yard veggie patch and parking strip that is totally worth watering.
These are Tricia Jo and Kegan's (I may have spelled that wrong) chickens and home build coop!
Kegan is TJ's son - boy they get big!
on our walk this morning...
It wasn't all that peaceful
This is Maddie's garden (another lovely person) and yet another parking strip totally worth watering!
Emmett and Dad visit the office. Good thing I still have that birthing ball.
Our August weather has been unpredictable. It's so unusual for us to even have clouds in the sky this time of year let alone rain.
And finally, this is a very good illustration of what I mean by bad housekeeping. Welcome to the baby maze. Poor Chester is stuck in the middle.
I really hope to get back in some kind of routine with my blog. One post a month just isn't enough. Oh I tweet and I'll facebook your ass till the cows come home but, this is a place of my own with unlimited characters, if you know what I mean.
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